Im at strip club and am horny
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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