OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize