I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
