I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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