haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
