Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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