Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
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i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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