I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
