I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
