I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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