I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
