Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
