dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
