i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
