Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
