dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she peed on how many people?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
