Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
