Need sex. Gaining weight.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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