do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
