you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
