Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
