I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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