Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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