We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
be right there i have to get my cape
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
