Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I came so hard my ears popped.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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