Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
