He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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