Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.