I think i peed on brittanys purse
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.