just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
two words...techno handjob
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.