I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's always time for handjobs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.