So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?