you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......