Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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