she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
