I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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