dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
