you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
