grandma shit on top of the toilet
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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