do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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