If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
