I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
