I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
