I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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