My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think i got beer on your cat.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
