I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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