dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
