fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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