i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
