The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
