i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
