You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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