didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
