It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
