Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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