her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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