Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
