By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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