The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
