dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
