You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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