A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nicole vs. Life
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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